Frigid Bitch: It's like a 12-step program for assholes.
Lunch Lines: A noontime sentence.
Joseph Campblog: Exploring the books of Joseph Campbell.

http://gays.com/profile/968043159748958

Make no mistake: 2009 will be even more perilous than 2008. And if you don't believe me, just cast your minds back a year to the heady, smelly optimism of 2007. What fools we were!

Avoid the most treacherous parts of the coming year by acquainting yourselves with the people responsible for them. Frigid Bitch! Saturday night! Nine PM! Let us gather on the dangling lanai of Twin Peaks to roll our eyes and moan. (Not erotically, please.)

How are your projects going? Progress reports are due, and penmanship counts.

Avast, weirdos! It is time once again for FB Core, the administrative wing of the universally-despised monthly inquisiton. You have been specially chosen for this planning and zoning committee meeting based either upon your exemplary leadership, your sparkling congeniality, or your muscular thighs. (And in one case, a combination of all three.) Now you must prove your worthiness on the field of battle, by which I mean drinking at a gay bar for elderly homosexuals with moustaches. Do you have what it takes? (Hint: No.)

On the agenda: recriminations and lamentations. Not on the agenda: anything that is boring. I must insist that you reveal your projects and your progress. We are at a midpoint, here at the conclusion of loathsome 2008; a perfect opportunity to share your designs, and to be corrected by a group of "peers."

This Saturday (the 6th). Nine at night. Twin Peaks in the Castro. Failure to appear shall result in us thinking even less of you than you fear that we already do.

Yours etc,

Sheila

The rules have all changed! Up is down! Black is white! Hummus is palatable! Frigid Bitch Core is on Wednesday at 8pm at Twin Peaks!

Now, nobody panic. It's just this once. We're trying it out to see what happens. If you like FBCore on Wednesdays -- the day of the week that is hardest to spell -- then just show up and have a drink with us. And if you liked it better on Saturday, well, you can just suck it up. You're still invited, of course, as long as you promise to complain as belligerently as possible. Guests are permitted provided that you vouch for the content of their character.

I'm also moving it up an hour, because for heaven's sake it's a week night and we must go to sleep at a decent hour. We are not Caligula.

FB Core is, of course, the administrative wing of the FB empire; the hardest-working and hardest-achieving leadership. I depend upon you all to set an enviable example by accomplishing something terribly impressive by next week, even if it's just an excuse for why you have not accomplished more. You will be graded.

Grotesquely yours,

Sheila

Hello, weirdos!

What is this? Can it be? A FOURTH year of Frigid Bitch has begun? Why yes, it's true. Wonderfully, horribly, bafflingly true. Last week, the FB admins had our bimonthly meeting of the Ways and Means Committee, and made a number of adjustments to the FB curriculum. You'll be glad to hear that I won't bore you with the details, other than to reveal that you are skeptically expected:

- Twin Peaks
- 9pm
- Saturday, September 6

The rules are different this year -- we've moved back to the Castro, and now we're doing Saturdays; and we've switched to a bimonthly format (one month we'll have a casual drinking-meetup for regular members, the other month a Planning/Dev panel for the FB proconsuls).

But! More importantly! We have, for the first time, removed the requirements that you complete a yearly project. Really! It's just a mildly ambitious social event now -- at least, for most of us. Members of the Board of Directors are still required to work on a life-improving project; the rest of the membership is expected only to sit back and drink and complain.

Oh yes, that. One more change this year is that we now have a leadership body. In fact, you may be a member. Your status as FB Cadet or FB Core will fluctuate unpredictably, so the only way to keep accurate track of your rights and obligations is to show up on Saturday and make inquiries.

Toodles,

Matt

(PS: Don't forget to check out my awesome project at http://stop8.org/ -- it only takes a minute or two to send in a photo, and you'll be helping to save gay marriage.)

Salutations, fags and fruit flies. As I have been warning you all along, FB4 commences this Saturday, the 30th, with all the fanfare and shrieking in tongues that befits the arrival of a false prophet. A number of changes have been instituted this year to ensure that FB's fourth year is the least miserable, so pay attention.

You have been placed on a new list: Frigid Bitch Core. Members of FBCore will be invited with maximum enthusiasm to all events, because your presence is an automatic guarantee of success. Unvetted newcomers and individuals on probation will be placed on the Frigid Bitch Cadets list. May God have mercy on their souls.

Also: We're doing Saturdays from now on. And at Twin Peaks. Because the only people at Cafe Royale on a Friday night are there to cry.

So, now that all that's out of the way: exactly what IS your problem? No need to answer right away; simply waltz into Twin Peaks this Saturday at 9pm and we'll be only too glad to tell you.

Looking forward to it.

Ravenously,

Sheila

Hello to you, compatriots! And to you, mysterious BCCed recipients. It's time once again for Fake Frigid Bitch, the almost-official, almost-strenuous, almost-exclusive checkin with relaxed rules and friendlier atmosphere. You are cordially (!) invited to waft into Twin Peaks this Saturday August 2nd at 9pm to explain yourself. Dress comfortably and bring someone interesting. The official drink is the Bengali Puckerfish.
Yours etc,
Sheila

WHAT ON EARTH? It's a Frigid Bitch on a Saturday, of all places! And at Twin Peaks, of all times! Yes, it's true: you are begrudgingly invited to the next-to-final checkin of Frigid Bitch 4 (or 5 ... I can't remember which year we're in) at 9pm on Saturday, July 5, at Twin Peaks at Market and Castro. We'll be staking out a spot upstairs on the dangling lanai, so you can just brush on past the crowds on the ground floor. You've got important complaining to accomplish! Extra points will be awarded for the wearing of neckties, oh yes and also for the Accomplishment of Things.
Nothing out of the Ordinary,
Sheila

So! It's finally spring, when a young person's heart turns to fancy. Gone are the regrets of winter; and before us unfold crisp, fragrant days offering nothing but promises and obeisance to our plans. You do have plans, don't you? Of course you do. If not, I'd have removed you from this list as I have done to so many in the past, and, inevitably, to so many in the future.
Friday, May Second; Nine PM, Cafe Royale in the Tenderloin. Summer is the time for Doing Things, and next Friday will be an excellent opportunity to brag about the lovely few months that lie ahead; and to improve upon your plans by involving the other spectacular individuals who will no doubt in in attendance.
Don't wear anything ... complicated.
Love,
Shiela

Frigid Bitch will be held this Friday at 9pm at Cafe Royale in the Tenderloin. It is going to be fantastic.